My fuck life is quite extravagant or banal, depending on who you ask. I describe myself as a libertine because I like the sound of it, but the word can dressed in a thousand ways. I talk about my sexuality or “fuck life” as freely as I live it. I really do not want to define it like how traditions do, I am a libertine in that sense. When someone says “I am a libertine”, we tend to think that they live a plural sex life, that they fuck in a group. That is a bit stupid. I have fucked one on one and that did not make me less of a libertine. Being a libertine is being free from sexual norm. It’s a state of mind. I personally say that I am a libertine because I do not have a preconceived plan about my encounters. I always try to keep an open mind for different possibilities and potential surprises.
I have had relationships that would be considered socially taboo and inappropriate. I have always been quite younger than most of my partners but I quickly realized that it did not prevent me from having a great relationship with them, and enjoy my time with them without feeling guilty. I have always thought that my sexuality and femininity were my biggest qualities. Thus, for me, sex is a great thing that should not be a source of guilt, shame, tragedy or deception. Being a libertine is a nice way of life, there is no deception, and no judgement. When I sleep with somebody, I get to know them, the person they really are, and have access to their intimate mind. Their mask falls off and mine too, and that is always my goal. I get to show who I really am and they do too. I strive to be the woman with whom my lovers get inspired to do crazy things with.
I do not understand parents who do not talk about sex with their children. From living with my parents for at least sixteen years, I know that they are sexual beings. I would not sit down with my father and discuss sexual details, but I have personally gotten sex talks from my parents. From my mother advising me on how to choose my partners, to my father discouraging me from choosing any partner at all. I have been exposed to a sexual education from a young age. It was not a taboo subject in my house. They certainly do not know the details about my fuck life, but they also understand that I am not going to follow a written down path that society pressures upon women.
My fuck life
My first time
It happened after high school, right before leaving for college . It was bad, yes it was, like every first times, I am guessing. I have to say, this experience made me scared of dicks for a while. They were just not sexy to me, more like tools for pain. He was three years older and my first heterosexual relationship, but we were not high school sweethearts. He was more into the performance, sweating like crazy, and I did not even know that I was supposed to orgasm at some point during the whole ordeal. I thought this was the norm. When he dumped me, I threw a pity party for myself, I walked on beach alone and crying, I binged on puff pastries, I even wrote songs. That heartbreak lasted about three weeks and I met another man.
My first good fuck
It was with an older man, a family friend on whom I had a crush for quite some time. He did not take advantage me, and he did not need to because I came after him. He resisted at first but he eventually ended up giving into me. Of course I thought to myself “He is way older” but to me it was a revelation. It was the first time a man was attentive to me in bed. He had more in control, more calm, he cared about how I felt, and he wanted me to take pleasure. My first orgasm with a man was with him. And damn, he was so good! I realized then that I had so much to explore.
I was nineteen when I met this man who became the first person I truly fell in love with. We fucked so much and so well together, we explored so much too. He took me to my first libertine sauna, club and house party, he knew all of my deepest and most secretive fantasies, and again he was fifteen years older than me. I lived for him when he was with me, I spent my time waiting for him when we were apart, I dedicated every second of my thought and desire to him. I am not so sure now if this was more a passion for love or a sex addition with him for finding out myself sexually. Our relationship lasted only for about two years, but it taught me that anything was possible.
What I like
I love when my partners take the time to know me. There is so much more behind a person than their performance in bed, and vice versa. I also love people to take their time to fuck me.
What I dislike
Being or feeling rushed, and being or feeling manipulated. Nobody needs to resort to manipulations with me. If I wanted to do something, I would find a way to do it.
Inevitably, I have some. Like the times when I wanted to say “no” but the man was too insistent and I was too pressured to please. The good thing with those experiences is they taught me what I do not want. I feel today that I know very much what I really want, and even if I am involved in some really crazy and kinky stuff, it is always me who asks, contrary to what one believes, deep inside it is me.
I found out recently that most young girls get their first sexual experiences from other girls, practicing on one another. I had no idea! My experience was a bit different. My first sexual contact, both physically and emotionally was with a girl. What made it different is I did not use her to experiment, I thought I was in a relationship with her, and I had feelings for her. I kissed her with love, I had deep thoughts about her when we were apart, and when it all ended, I experienced my first heart break. Does that make me bi?
In my thoughts, a woman’s hot body excites me but I do not feel the same about a man. Thinking about making out with a woman does not inspire me as much as thinking about a man’s arms around me and all over my body. I can be excited looking at pictures of women’s pussies, while cock pictures are almost disgusting, especially if they are from strangers. But a real life erect cock right before my eyes excites me more than even a very sexy pussy. I enjoy kissing both a man and a woman equally, and if I am in a group of both sexes, I have to play with both to enjoy it. However, despite all the accessories available to a woman to fuck me, and all the mental game, I much prefer the penetration of a man’s cock and all the complexity of his body. Either way, I enjoy having an emotional connection with both.
I still have so many experiences I want to add to my fuck life, and I feel that I have only scratched the surface. I have been exploring alone, with a man as a couple, and I have had a great time either way. It is hard to say if what I am currently experiencing is temporary or will stay deeply carved in my life for the rest of my days. Either way, I hope to always flourish in my quest for happiness, while staying true to myself.