My first steps
When my ex-boyfriend and I became closer and started to talk more deeply and freely about our fantasies, I shared with him my desires to try some different scenarios of group sex. To me they were just fantasies that I never imagined would come true, until I met him. We entered into a more intimate couple relationship during which our conversations on this theme came back regularly, and we both seemed eager. He told me that the day I wanted to, we could go out to a club to just have a drink, so I can have a feel of the atmosphere. It took me a few months to feel comfortable enough to take that first step. We went on a holiday in Barcelona, and one night before going back home, he took me to a club he had frequented before we met. When we came in, the night just started, and the manager received us and gave us a tour. She was rather delightful and welcoming. I remember being immediately struck by the warm atmosphere that was there. I spent those first few hours in a blissful fascination for this world where sex seemed as easy as it was playful; where dance, laughter, conversation, caresses, kisses, sex everywhere were mixed. I did not leave the bar area where I had settled, however. We had a few drinks and my boyfriend stayed by my side, leaving me totally to my discovery, not speaking much at all. All my senses were on alert and I recorded everything that I perceived in an extremely intense way. Being on holidays helped me pass that first step given the freedom of spirit when you are away from your regular environment. When we came back to Paris, I wanted to try a local club, and we did, but this other experience was not satisfactory. All I can remember was the smell of cigarette smoke, and the headache I felt hours afterwards. We went to the wrong club.
From the beginning, our relationship took off like a rocket ship. We never hit a low moment, we became obsessed with each other very quickly, and also obsessed with our fantasies. A few weeks after those two instances, he came back home one day and surprised me with an invitation to a party. This one was a house party themed “A libertine feast: instead of food, let’s relish on sex”. He went to work that morning, instructing me to be ready by eight o’clock so we could leave by eight thirty. Up to this point, I had always thought about myself exploring this lifestyle and what I would be experiencing. Until that day, I never really thought about his side at all. I started to think about seeing the man I love touch somebody else, how would I react, how would I feel, and how would all of that show in public. Then being an introvert who plans every social outing, I started to run my mind towards “How could he plan all of these without even talking to me beforehand?”, “Didn’t he know I need to mentally prepare for any kind of socializing?”. By midday, I was on the verge of tears, feeling I was manipulated and ambushed, even if I was the one who had repeatedly wanted this. First, there was the uncertainty of having enough social skills in such demanding social situation, then the disruption between sex and feelings. Those were certainly the two main obstacles that got in my way. As the hours went by, I felt they were falling apart together, undermined by the idea that “I will just go and get this over with”. The theme of the night required that women wear a classy black dress, nothing clubby or trashy the invitation said. We had to look like a lady. I put on an all black ensemble, black heels and off we went.
We were buzzed into an upscale apartment in a nice area of Paris. I entered the building with a very clear thought “This will last a few hours, and tomorrow it will all be history. Just keep an open mind”. I do not remember how he felt or looked on our way there. I was totally preoccupied by own anxiety. We knocked and a red head lady in her mid thirties opened the door. She greeted us as if she had known us for ages; I looked around and there were three other couples there. A big rectangle table was set in the middle of the living room, with fancy dishes and silverware. She asked us to take our seats, where place cards with our first names were neatly placed. Everyone looked very well dressed and classy, almost like in a black tie affair. We had a quick introduction with the other couples, and I was visibly shaking. My boyfriend put his hand on my legs to calm me down, giving me reassuring look every now and then. Then without notice, four muscular men came out of nowhere with champagne on a platter to serve us drinks. I started to feel a bit more comfortable after a few quick sips, but absolutely clueless on what would happen next. And what happened next would never be erased from my memory, which is a good and a bad thing.
The four men disappeared for a few minutes again. I thought they would be back to serve food this time, but when they reappeared, all they had were empty platters. Each one of them stood behind us women, and without any warning, they slipped their huge cocks out of their trousers and offered them on the platter for us to suck, “Mesdames” (“Ladies”). I looked at my boyfriend and burst into laughter, not a discreet one, but a loud laugh that was uncontrollable. Who the fuck planned this? I did not touch the cock that was as long as my whole head. They all understood right away that this was my first time ever and to my surprise, they were all very understanding and comforting about it. I left the table and my boyfriend followed me. We ended up on the street before midnight and decided to go to another lifestyle club where we had a great time. After seeing what I saw earlier in the night, I thought nothing would shock me, so I let myself go, and had a great time. I made out with a few women, danced, and laughed a lot.
Solo and introverted
Fast forward years later I was now alone, out of university, single, and just coming out of a depression episode that went on longer than I expected. As far as where I was at that point, it took me years to go from “no” to “yes”. The first contact I had with this lifestyle, that attracted me so much, to my first soft swap with a couple took more than a year. I had evolved at my own pace and learned how to say “no”. To me, it does not matter what the reasons for a “no” are. A “no” is always imperious, legitimate, and must be respected and obeyed. I feel that you cannot learn how to say “yes” until you learn how to say “no” properly first. After my adventures with the couple from the previous story, I had attempted to meet single men in my area, realizing very quickly that my alone time felt so good, that nobody was sweeter than my solitude.
I do not hate people, I just hate shallow socializing. When I meet somebody, if we do not have a connection that allows us to talk about our dreams, passion and life goals, I lose interest very quickly, if I ever had any to begin with. For me, socializing is not a way to pass time; I already have enough hobbies and passion that take most of my hours in the day; what I am looking for is somebody to share them with. Although I am alone everywhere, I do not feel lonely at all. My alone time, however very often and extended, is carefully planned into my day, because I require it to stay sane.
My twenty-second birthday was approaching fast, and I wanted to celebrate in a special way. I looked around the internet for clubs and parties in the area, and after clicks on many links, I stumbled upon a house party that was happening on my birthday weekend. After performing a few preliminary research on the place and event, I had decided to go. But first, the day of my birthday came on a Wednesday, and the girls in the dorm surprised me in my room with a chocolate cake and candles. While sitting around and talking about a proper party, I had to tell them I had something already planned by other people. This was when a good friend K advised me to leave some information about the people, and the place along with a number, just in case. That week, I made contact through the website with another guest to the party, a bisexual man named Ronnie. We chatted and voice verified a few times, got along, and he agreed to pick me up at my dorm and give me a ride. When Saturday came around, I anxiously stayed in my room to get ready, and a friend kindly helped me do my hair. I sat on my bed, antsy and edgy, waiting for Ronnie’s text message. I decided in the last minute to go to K’s room and give her the address of the venue and Ronnie’s phone number, written on a piece of paper.
Evidently Ronnie was late, but he did show up to pick me up, in his father’s truck nonetheless. I was dressed in a short leather skirt, a sheer white top that showed my lace bra underneath, and a pair of black heels. My hair was down, and at the time, I had a fringe falling down my forehead. We drove through a residential neighborhood with beautiful houses and perfectly lined trees, parked on a side of the street and crossed to a house that looked like it could be from a family movie. The host greeted us at the door, and gave me a tour. This house had two stories, the top had beds and the first floor had glory holes, by the dozens and in forms I had never seen before. In the middle of the room, laid a rotating table with a hole. As I was guided upstairs, I observed a few people doing drugs openly so I left quickly. I did not want to get close to that kind of party. I decided to stick to the first floor where people seemed more active and enthusiastic.
Very quickly, Ronnie got lost in the crowd and we were separated. As I walked around by myself, getting a drink and lending an attentive and curious look around me, I felt that people started to notice me and stare at me. A few came to say “Hello”, and I had to engage in my most despised process, small talk. After a few chit chat with a few very nice party goers, this girl approached me. She seemed sympathetic, and understood right away that this was my first time there, or anywhere. She talked a lot, but she was genuine. She asked me if I was bi, if I was single, to which the answers were both “yes”. She told me a lot about this house party, and the people who came there, and without any prelude she just said “Can I kiss you?”. She caught me by surprise, but I love people who are straightforward and come for me. I instantly extended my head towards her and we exchanged a kiss. She was in her late twenties, a bit older than me, dark hair falling down to her shoulders, a nice feminine body and a pretty smile. She said that her boyfriend was around and she came there for the glory holes. I told her I had never seen one in person, but would love to watch. She guided me to the back room where she took a seat and flipped a switch to let the other side know a girl was there. A few minutes went by and I heard some steps and whispers, and a cock came through the hole. She started sucking it and jerking it off, until a whitish fluid hit the floor. I understood then that he just ejaculated. She stood up, smiled at me and cleaned herself. This whole time, her boyfriend was standing there watching her, and after her task, she kissed him deeply. We left the room to get into a corner and started talking. This is when I jokingly mentioned to them that I would prefer being on the other side of the hole, getting it, rather than giving it. It was at this moment that he (the boyfriend) suggested her that I needed to experience the spinning table.
At this point in the night, I was more comfortable with the help of this lovely couple and some alcohol. Ronnie got lost in the crowd somewhere upstairs, and I now had new friends. I finally told them that I was there for my birthday, kind of going through my whole life story briefly, and visibly ready for new experiences. The minute I mentioned “birthday”, they convinced me to go on the spinning table. He first laid under the table and just let his cock through the hole. His girlfriend started sucking it, abundantly and passionately, a very wet blowjob, as I stood there watching. My whole body became very hot and after long months of hiatus from sex, I was finally on my way to touch another man’s cock. At least, in my mind, that was my thought: that I would be sucking his cock through the hole. But in the middle of it, she looked at me, very naughtily, and made sign asking me to approach. I sat on the edge of the table, bent over and kissed her. At this point, people started to gather around and everything became a blur, a good one. She alternated between sucking him and kissing me, and when it was hot and hard, she made sign to ask me to sit on her boyfriends’ cock. She slipped a condom on him, and I very awkwardly and clumsily tried to get on the spinning table, pulled my panties out of the way, and slowly sat on this man’s cock. This was my very first sexual relation in the lifestyle with a man who was not my boyfriend. It was my birthday after all 🙂 She unbuckled my shoes so I could get more comfortable, as I straddled her man’s cock in front of a crowd of strangers. As it spun, the table felt like it added a vibrator effect to the fuck. I did not have to move too much to feel him inside me, and it was easy to get me going because it had been months since I had sex. To make it even more intense, she started playing with my clit while kissing me and lifted my shirt up to suck my nipples. I orgasmed rather explosively before he filled his condom with his sperm. She removed the condom and cleaned her man’s cock out. We found a couch to pull ourselves together and spent the night getting to know one another. People started to feel more comfortable approaching me to make conversations, and for a few moment, I felt like the belle of the ball. It was my twenty second birthday.
Sadly, that was enough sex for me that night, I was completely proud of how I handled this social situation. I had not seen my friend Ronnie the whole night, and as my new friends sat with me to wait for him to reappear, we exchanged contact information. This was the beginning of a great friendship and even more adventures. Around two in the morning, Ronnie finally found me, and we both decided to leave. We did not exchange a lot of words on the ride home, just that he told me “I saw you enjoyed the table”. I walked through my dorm room, happy and content! I showered, walked a few doors down and slipped a note under K’s room “I am back in my room safe and sound”. The weekend after, the girls on my wing of the dorm took me to a country club. It was my first time ever, and I experienced line dancing for the first time ever. That in itself was another out of body experience.
To me, this night was the night when I officially got over my ex-boyfriend, for good and forever. I was proud of myself in a lot of ways. This is one of my many stories as an introvert exploring debauchery. I never stop learning about myself. And as the saying goes “If you want a thing done right, do it yourself”. But there is also the saying “The more we share, the more we have”. À bientôt!